Lifestyle

Nobody Cares. Work Harder

Ninety nine problems but a bitch ain’t one If you having girl problems I feel bad for you son I got ninety nine problems but a bitch ain’t one, hit me – Jay Z ” I always sing along to this jam from Jay Z every time it comes on. Plenty of memes have been made out of this 99 problems concept. Until recently, I never really thought much about what Jay Z was thinking deciding that his problems were 99 in number. 99 problems are quite a lot, man. Imagine not having rent money, your girlfriend leaving you, contracting HIV -AIDS, losing your job and your house burning down are just 5 problems. 5 problems that would drive you to depression and an ultimate death. Now imagine adding 94 more problems on top of all this misery. Well, the truth is, 99 is just a number used to show a never – ending phenomenon. We all got our own different 99 problems that we are struggling to solve one way or the other. Everyone you meet, regardless of how successful they are (or may seem to be), has something that is worrying them, or occupying their minds so dominantly, […]

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Lifestyle

The Hand Mystery of the Number Nine

I don’t know about you, but the multiplication table was not the most favourite table for me at P.C.E.A Umoja Primary School. My Maths Teacher, Mr. Karimi, gave me lots of thrashings simply for not being able to figure out 8 * 7 = 45 without the help of using my fingers. Or 12 * 12 = 356. See, I still got it wrong, eighteen years on. 8 * 7 = 56; and 12 * 12 = 144, for the record. Mr. Karimi is now retired and runs an agro – vet in Subukia town. Every time we meet, he greets me with a firm handshake and I can still picture his hand scribbling on the chalkboard. This kinda gives me a bittersweet form of nostalgia. What Mr. Karimi did not teach me is this simple magic trick to multiply the number 9, using your ten fingers. You can get the answer to any multiple of 9 simply by moving your fingers. Spread out your hands with your fingernails facing away from you and look at your fingers. They are ten, I presume. Number them in your mind, starting from the left, in ascending order. Now let’s do some math. […]

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Lifestyle

You Might As Well Die At 38

” You may be 38 Years Old, as I happen to be; and one day , some great opportunity stands before you and calls you to stand up for some great principle, some great issue, some great cause. And you refuse to do it because you are afraid… You refuse to do it because you want to live longer… You are afraid that you will lose your job; or you are afraid that you will be criticized or that you will lose your popularity; or you are afraid that someone will stab you, or shoot at you, or bomb your house, so you refuse to take the stand. Well, you may go on and live until you are 90, but you are just as dead at 38 as you would be at 90. And the cessation of breathing in your life is but the belated announcement of an earlier death of the spirit. ” Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Social Life

KENYA’S BEST ADS OF ALL TIME

Kenya is a nation blessed with a great deal of Media Freedom. Media Freedom. Is this even a thing? Ask our Ugandan friends about media freedom whenever you meet one. They pay taxes for Tweets and Facebook posts. Brands have taken advantage of this media freedom to sell their value to existing and potential customers by running series of Television Advertisements. I sought to ask around what the best TV Ad campaigns have been. You know, the ones that you just sing along like a 6 – year old every time they come on. The ones that don’t make you want to change the channel when they keep coming on in between your favourite soap opera or soccer game. The ones you would say, ” Give me two ” without knowing what they are selling and what it can do for you. Here are the top 5 best TV Ad campaigns of all time Kenyan history. Niko Na Safaricom – Safaricom Niko Na Safaricom is a campaign launched by Safaricom in 2010. Its Lyrics portray a brand that simply empowers its customers, makes them stronger by uniting them and proudly inspiring them to do more, together, simply because they are […]

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Lifestyle

THE ‘BIG 4 NOTHING’ AGENDA

On Jamhuri Day of 2017, His Excellency President Uhuru Kenyatta launched a transformation agenda popularly known as the ‘Big Four Agenda’. The President would dedicate the energy, time and resources of his administration to four key areas namely: Manufacturing Affordable Housing Food Security Affordable Healthcare Out of the 4 agenda areas, three of them are liabilities in the sense that they take away revenue and generate zero revenue. They are: Housing, Healthcare and Food security. Only Manufacturing is able to generate direct revenue through sale of manufactured and/or processed commodities. However, with the unregulated importation of products from Asian countries, the local manufacturing industry is also on the verge of death. Some may say that Food security, Healthcare and Housing are basic needs and thereby should not be considered as liabilities. The truth is, if Kenyans were empowered accordingly, they would not need the government to build houses for them, pay for their medical bills or buy them food. They would comfortably do this themselves. Therefore, the government should focus on an agenda that empowers their citizens to be independent for a lifetime. My Big 4 Agenda  I believe the government should make it their mission to make every Kenyan independent […]

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Uncategorized

GITHURAI – THE OUTDOOR MALL

Sitting comfortably, twelve kilometres from Kenya’s capital, is a city, yes city, by the name Githurai. Almost every Kenyan is at least familiar with the name, even if due to some self – imposed excuse, has never set foot in the dusty (and muddy when it rains) slumburbia. If you were born somewhere between the 80s and 90s, you must have jammed to one of Kenya’s greatest hits by Mr Googz and Vinnie Banton – Wasee Tumetoka Githurai.  Well, tribalism aside, the name Githurai sounds Kikuyu-ish if there is such a word. And the fact that literally everyone you meet there speaks to you in some deep Kikuyu language is no coincidence. In fact, many businesses there have Kikuyu names like ‘Shosho Wa Kamau Gas Distributors’ or ‘Kiamaiko Mutura Base and Butchery’. In spite of this, there is one thing that this city has and is not in any place else. The Githurai atmosphere. There is the funny joke that Githurai residents have learnt how to text with their mobile gadgets inside their pockets. They also are said to have two sets of cloths while trans-githuraing, (passing through Githurai) so as not to appear too rich for the slumburbia. The Kasarani […]

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Lifestyle

TOM MBOYA WALK

Amongst the city in the sun’s numerous streets, avenues, lanes and walks, there are some that just stand out in their own way. Take RiverRoad for instance, popular for the classy and expensively pimped coast buses and a string of Indian shops with funny collections of stock (Like one that purely sells buttons, just buttons). Ronald Ngala Street; popular for the noisy Githurai buses, notorious for speeding and snaking their way through spaces even mkokoteni operators cannot dare. Aru Lane; filled with small shops selling liqour of all kinds even when all wines and spirits outlets around Nairobi have been closed down. But there is one short lane that just marvels me by its special ability to attract crowds. About 50 metres long, connecting two of the busiest streets in the city – Tom Mboya Street and Moi Avenue – is Tom Mboya Walk. Every day of the week, any time of the day, there has to be a crowd gathered somewhere along this walk. Be it the dread-locked acrobats whose sense of humour cannot go unnoticed, or the special doctors from the village who have come to rescue the city dwellers from city illnesses using herbal medicines, or the […]

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Lifestyle

The Thing With Betting

‘Kama mans wako huwa habet, (If your boyfriend/husband does not gamble)you are the man in the relationship’ – Kenyan Proverb. Just before the 2014 World Cup, there was not much gambling taking place in Kenya. In fact, the notable gambling activity back then, at least from where I come from, was Inooro FM’s Kanya Kanya. Then SportPesa happened! And as you would expect, the moment they seemed to be making money out of it, every able investor thought it was a good idea too and opened a gambling platform. Now we have over 50 Gambling sites in Kenya, all sounding like cousins to each other. Betway, Pawabets, Betika, Betpawa, Betin, Sportybet, 1XBet, Odibets, Bet365, Betyetu, Elitebet, Kwikbet, Betboss, Supabet 247, Mozzartbet, Eazi-Bet, M-Bet, MCheza. The list goes on. As per my own independent investigations, almost every Kenyan man aged between 18 and 35 has an account in at least 3 of the above platforms. In fact, the number of Text Messages they receive from these sites is probably more than the messages from their girlfriends. They even call you by your name. Kennedy, With Messi Out and Iniesta Injured, Will Barcelona Maintain their Record at the El Classico? Bet Now! […]

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Lifestyle

YOU CANNOT EAT YOUR CAKE AND STILL HAVE IT

As at this very moment, you have a choice to read this piece or go over your Twitter Timeline. Not both. In life, we are presented with options and it is up to us to decide what we want to keep and what we want to lose as a result of keeping what we decided to keep. That, is what economics call Opportunity Cost. If you went through the Kenyan 8 – 4 – 4 System, there is a high chance you came across the word Opportunity Cost, probably during a sunny afternoon Business Studies Class. However, for the sake of those who did not pay attention, let’s define the word. Opportunity Cost is defined as the loss of one alternative when one alternative is chosen. Most people wonder, why do I have to lose other alternatives when I settle on one? The answer is simple. Decisions are simply choosing what not to have at the expense of what to have. Unfair, right? Well, life is unfair. I have heard this sentiment times too many that anytime someone begins a sentence with the words ‘Life is..’, I feel the urge to complete the sentence for them. The moment you understand […]

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Social Life

COMMONLY MISSPELT WORDS

Hii Lugha ilikuja na Meli! (This language came from overseas). If you’ve lived in Kenya, you must have heard this phrase, or better yet, said it. It is an excuse we give whenever our English Airtime runs out. Ranking highly on my checklist for my perfect woman (We’ll talk about the checklist some other day), is her understanding of the language. Forgive me, but a lady who cannot get her spellings right is a huge turn off for me. Feminists, let’s not do the thing where you ask why it only applies to women. It just does. Astonishingly, mastery of the English language is not directly proportional to one’s level of education. I have heard professors introduce themselves by saying, “My names are Prof. …” So, what are some of the biggest Misses in English. My name is… My name is Kennedy Kiiru Macharia. Those are three names. However, I said my name is, not my names are. The Kenyan curriculum does not emphasize this enough but regardless of how many names you have, whenever you introduce yourself, never ever say it in plural. If you are a victim of this, let’s give it a try. Type your name into […]

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