Nearly every woman has this girl – only committee that vets every guy before he is allowed to hit it off with any of them. It is composed of three or four of her close friends with an occasional elder sister, cousin or young aunt. They call each other words like ‘Sis’ or ‘Mami’. They are spoilers. Cockblockers. Brutally thorough and ruthless, they subject every potential boyfriend to an imaginary interview with a long list of checkboxes. Baby daddy? Mama’s boy? Lives with his parents? Manwhore? Married? Divorced? If divorced, reason for divorce? Has a job? Owns a car? Who are his friends? Is he the alpha among his friends? Physical abuser? Does he have a fashion sense? What tribe is he? Smokes? Drinks? Overly active on social media? Bla bla bla.
Men hate them. You cannot blame them though. Imagine meeting a beautiful, intelligent and fine girl, just the way you like them. You shoot your shot, and like the smart handsome chap that you are, you score. Only for V.A.R to overturn it (Ladies, ask any adult male next to you what V.A.R is). You do not even get a chance, simply because you are light-skinned and Shiko believes light-skinned guys are narcissistic and entitled. Or because you have over one hundred thousand followers on Instagram and Nimo believes social media celebrities are a no – go – zone. Or maybe it’s because you drive a second hand Subaru and Koi thinks Subaru boys are party animals and will bed any lady that is within the scope of the Turbo sounds. Or could it be because you are Luo? You know Sonnie’s ex was Luo. The one that tried to sleep with all of Sonnie’s friends, including the beautiful, intelligent and fine girl you are after. The one that turned you down as per the committee’s recommendation and conclusion.
More often than not, the verdict from these V.A.R merchants is biased. Shiko could just be jealous of you and is inclined towards driving you away from more blessings. Maybe she wants this man for herself. Sonnie could be hoarding a lot of bitterness and negative energy accumulated from her failed past relationships and is inclined towards projecting her cynicism at anyone and anything. Koi could be a toxic feminist trying to recruit you into her miserable world of chanting ‘men are trash’ every morning. And it will be no surprise if all of them could be a bunch of clueless damsels who are out of touch with the reality that every man is different and the only way to find out if he is ‘the one’ is to give him a chance.
In as much as they have saved their girlfriends from potentially abusive relationships, they have equally denied them the chance to experience what could have been possible thriving relationships and beautiful happily ever after unions. I guess what I am trying to say, on behalf of all men, is that you need to choose your V.A.R merchants wisely. And not to take their verdict as the gospel truth. If you like him, give him a chance. Even if it will not work out, you will have made a new friend or learned a new lesson. And the ‘I told you so‘ of your V.A.R merchants will not kill you.