When a man really likes you, he will be your therapist. He will want to know every little thing about you. Are you a morning or an evening person? Why did it not work out with your ex? When, and to whom, did you lose your virginity? Why don’t you talk to your best friend anymore? What is your body count? What is your favourite style? He will listen to all the blabber without getting bored. He will remember most of it and will occasionally bring it up in subsequent conversations. He will keep tabs on what is going on with you at work, school, church or wherever you spend most of your time at. He will stalk you on every social channel and will turn on push notifications to be the first to know when you post. He will make sure he leaves a flattery comment. ”Daaamn 😍😍🥰🥰”. Everyone has to know that he likes you.
When he really likes you, he will let you steal and keep his favourite hoodie. His new college jacket too. He will say they look better on you. He will know your shoe size, bra size, waist size, hips size and sanitary pad size. They will come in handy whenever he is getting you something. He will know your favourite cologne. Your favourite ice cream flavour. Your favourite cocktail. The TV Show you are currently obsessed over. Your dream car. And if you have known each other long enough, and he has liked you enough, he will know your ring size.
When he really likes you, he will break the bank for you. He will buy you little gifts. A pair of earrings. A necklace. A wristwatch. All in your favourite colour and shade. He will never come to see you empty-handed. He will take you to random places even he has never been to. A reggae concert. The Mashemeji derby. Boat riding at Uhuru Park. GP Karting at Lang’ata. The KICC rooftop. Rafting in Sagana. He will pay an arm and a leg and not feel a thing. If you offer to split the bill, he will get offended. In the middle of all this, he will feed you with junk food and later insist you need to work out. Occasionally, he will ask you to bring your friends along. And he will bring his.
When he really likes you, he will kiss away your disgusting morning breath without making a face. He will tell you how much better you look without make – up, in spite of the acne on your lower cheeks. He will let you use his toothbrush. He will hold your hair when you puke. He will fondle your fat tummy and tell you he likes it just the way it is. He will run his finger over your stretch marks and lie to you that they turn him on. He will spank your ass every chance he gets and tell you it is phat enough for him. He will help you disentangle your braids. He will say it is the softest hair he has ever touched. He will even take a selfie with you, with your disentangled hair looking like an old mop. He will laugh when you fart in his presence and pretend how nauseating it smells.
When he really likes you, he will tell you how much you remind him of his mother. He will promise to take you to meet her one day, and assure you how she (the mother) will like you. He will talk about children and how beautiful they will be. Just like their mother. You. He will slowly become a male version of you. He will despise whatever and whomever you hate. He will care about what you care about. Your favourites will become his. Your enemies will become his. He will always want to fix everything around you. He will become your carpenter, your electrician and your IT Specialist. And you will become his source of hope. He will share with you his goals and ambitions. He will tell you when he had a bad day at work. And you will always be the first to know of his little accomplishments, after his mother.
When he really likes you, he will show you off. He will drag you to his local to watch his favourite club play. His friends will know about you and they will respect you. They will let you ride in the car front seat. They will address you as Ms. (insert his surname). They will politely ask you to hook them up with your friends. They will ask for your permission before snatching him away from you. Whenever they come around to his place, they will knock, lest they find you naked. They will tell you how delicious your food is, even if it isn’t. They will even take their dishes to the kitchen after they are finished eating. You are Ms. (insert his surname). Not some maid.
When he really likes you, he will hate everyone else that likes you too. Everyone else that is not your family. He will get snappy and moody when other men make advances at you. It will eat him up on his insides at the thought of losing you. He will make an effort to be competitive. He will shave his armpits. He will hit the gym and stay in shape for you. He will wash his bedsheets every once in a while. He will make sure his voice is the last thing you hear before you go to bed and his text is the first thing you sees when you wakes up. He will embarrass himself for you. He will try dance moves his legs and stiff body cannot handle. He will send you croaky voice notes in his hoarse voice. He will crack lame jokes to try and cheer you up when you are feeling low. He will blow up your phone when you two are not in the best of terms. Something like ‘‘Sasa hautaniongelesha?” or ”Huyo dame ndiye ananitaka. Mimi ata simjui. Mimi ni wewe nataka”
When he really likes you, he will occasionally ditch the boys and prefer to hang out with you. He will be unpredictable. On some days, he will teach you how to play his favourite video games and he will let you win. On other days, he will make dinner. Some cuisine whose name he cannot pronounce, out of a recipe he saw on the internet. Other days, he will order your favourite meal and ask you to select a movie you like. He will pretend to like it too, before falling asleep on your boobs, twenty minutes in. Some other days, he will teach you how to drive and navigate lanes on the Superhighway. Some days, he will just make love to you like you are the only girl in the world.
When he really cares for you, he will try to make you cum before he does. If he fails, he will try again. And again. Until you are satisfied. He will use protection. If you are allergic, he will make sure he pulls out. Because he does not want to tear your uterus apart with emergency pills. He will ask you to do it everywhere, every time. And will never let you undress yourself. He will know his way around you. He will kiss you passionately until you are out of breath. He will explore your body, slowly but extensively. He will run his fingers through your hair and slowly descend down your back and grab your ass. He will rub the bottom of your feet and slowly ascend to stroke your inner thighs. And after you collapse in pleasure, he will cuddle you to sleep.
There are a few times where he will skip all this hullabaloo and just get right into it. He cannot risk being late for work, again.
When a man really likes you, he will make sure you know.
© Cap’n Write