Twedi Fae

So I happened to turn twenty five just the other day. It did not feel like much of a big deal until my mom called. She always remembers my birthday. She was like, ‘I gave birth to you when I was your age.’ Yes, my mother is fifty! And I am half her age. At that very moment, I pictured a fifty –  year old me with a son who is half my age. I’ve always wanted a boy as my first child so that I can name him Macharia. Theo Macharia. Well, Theo already left Arsenal but still I like the sound of the name. It’s also quite short and that way, it won’t pose any problems for him while filling his K.C.P.E credentials.

All of a sudden, I felt quite old. I felt tired and my face got tight, probably from all the wrinkles that were busy forming in silence. Memories of younger me started to play in my mind. I remembered all the nice things I had told myself I would have by the time I turned 25. Ambitious young fella, I used to be. A Beach house. A Jet. A beach house with a parking lot for a jet.  A Street named after me. My name in the K.C.P.E History books, for whatever reason. You know, having the President’s number on Speed Dial.

Now the only President’s number I have on speed dial, is that of the Parents Teachers Association (PTA) of my nephew’s school. A Talkative old chap he is. He isn’t very presidential but I hear they call him ‘Governor‘ at his local. I don’t have a beach house, yet. In fact, I don’t have any kind of house. What I have is a money – hungry landlord who also happens to own the hardware at the bottom – floor of the building I live in. Maybe I should also start a hardware business. My landlord is always on his Tecno phone, asking for money, withdrawing it, sending it or talking about it. Me, I’m always talking about weird things like football and country music. Maybe that’s why he is the landlord and I am the one who pays rent every month.

I also do not have a jet. Apparently, they require lots of money to buy. I tried to buy one on amazon the other day and what came up from the search results is the Play Station Game Jetfighters  and the hit by Simple Plan and Natasha Beddingfiled titled Jet Lag. Maybe even Jeff Bezos knows I don’t have 900 Million US Dollars sitting somewhere. You go ahead and try to buy one and see what they think of your bank account too. Then join me and we can laugh at each other. We can laugh as we play Jetfighters while listening to Simple Plan and Natasha Beddingfield.

There’s not a street named after me or after anyone I know personally. What would it take to have a street named after you, you asked? Build the friggin road is what. How much does it take to build a road, you asked? Well, one bag of cement costs five dollars. With the thirteen dollars in my account, a road map is the only kind of road I’m able to build. Maybe the road map will get my name in the K.C.P.E History Books.

Anyway, turning twenty – five has made me realize that it is okay not to have accomplished whatever goals younger you set for yourself. At least you dared to dream. On the other hand, there are some lucky folks who are living the life they pictured when they were younger. Please, live that life in peace and let us catch up with you at our own pace. Now I am sitting on the balcony of my crib somewhere along Thika Road setting goals for fifty year old me. I will make sure to rub it on Theo’s face of how successful I was when I was his age just to make him work harder.

After all, who doesn’t want to be more successful than their parents and make them proud?

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  • Reply Liz Abongo June 24, 2019 at 9:12 pm

    Hahaha. Funny and witty Kiiru

  • Reply Kahuthu Samuel August 6, 2019 at 10:14 am

    Happy Birthday El Paraiso

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